We are naturally sexual in nature. Sexual energy is the most creative energy because it creates a new life. Sexuality is also instinctive. No one has ever been taught how to perform sex. It’s like we eat, sleep, digest and protect ourselves from danger. It’s just autonomous.
Sex is also the most intimate thing because it involves all sorts of human connections and emotions. A good sex life is more psychological than physical. When you are hungry, you can eat bitter gourd to satisfy our hunger but your tongue will be left with a bitter taste. Similarly, you can have sex without intimacy as well with anyone you want. It may give you physical gratification but not emotional. What happens to a man forced into sex with a person he detests? Let’s explore his plight in this article.
In a marriage, when the wife is abusing the husband physically and mentally, will there be a good sex life? Leave the question of ‘good’. Is it possible to have even a normal sex life? No. A big NO!
1. According to the society, men want sex all the time and can do anything to get it. WRONG.
Scientific research has proven that men need more intimacy in sex than women. They are more emotional. For men, sex is more psychological than physical.
2. Women are passive and it’s men’s duty to initiate sex even in marriage. WRONG.
In this era of sexual liberation, women are much more sexually upfront than men. Biology gives them the advantage of more ways of sexual arousal, multiple orgasms and the ability to have sex multiple times a day. They want more exploration, frequency, time and experimentation. So, if women need sex more than men, who are limited by their biology, it is obvious that the women can go to any extent like lies, beating, faking stories, blaming impotency, suicidal threats, verbal abuse, threats of false cases, etc. in order to get what they want by manipulation. How is a man capable of feeling an emotional connection, when it is just a bodily need for his woman?
3. Can you touch someone who is violent with you? Particularly, this violent person abused your mother and father just a while ago, had a fight with you whole day with all sorts of verbal and physical tantrums and even painful assaults! YOU, the husband, has been brainwashed to bear the tears and tantrums of your wife, no matter what. You are the one who has been warned that you must take care of your wife because if anything happens, you will be in trouble. Thinking of the consequences you somehow calm her down, begging and pampering her. After 12 hours of Herculean effort at calming her down, you are so much drained emotionally and physically that you want to run far away – with hidden tears, a broken heart, wanting to scream. But all of a sudden you are rather expected to jump on the bed and bang her? You know what? For her, everything is normal now and you are a good husband!
4. Even when all this shit happens in marriage, everyone wants the husband to compromise and satisfy the woman because there is no other option to save the marriage. He has to be sexually active somehow, unconditionally! But it is impossible to have sex with your abuser – just not possible. Sex may happen without intimacy but it can never happen with hatred, with a feeling of disgust.
5. After all this, the husband has to earn money, pay the bills, work in the office the whole day, perform there and when he comes back home, he needs to understand the untold signal of his abuser wife for sex. He needs to catch it, decode it successfully, initiate and be a Tarzan on the bed once again. Isn’t this a marital rape of the husband? Never mind, the society demands you to be a MAN and fulfill her unrealistic expectations in all possible unrealistic ways.
6. Remember, Tarzan is a fiction but husbands are real. So if a husband, who fails to be a sex provider for the reasons I explained above is labelled as the perpetrator of Domestic Violence on his wife as per law, or wife labels him as an impotent loser, what kind of reactions is that expected to evoke?
7. Ultimately he loses his self-esteem. Continuous lies and ridicules make him believe that he is really incapable and he loses trust in himself. The impact of shock is huge! It takes years to heal, or he may never heal or be able to have a normal sexual relation with any woman.
8. He cannot go and complain anywhere about this because of the social stigma and mockery. After all, how can a man avoid sex? A man is always ready for sex. Come on! There must be some problem with him. LOL, if he can’t satisfy his wife, let me handle her. Wow, lucky chap! His wife is sexually demanding, blah, blah, blah… you get it.
9. He is shamed, ridiculed and laughed at. So he prefers not to open his mouth and endures the suffering in a deadly silence.
A good relation may or may not be because of good sex, but, yes, a good sex life is certainly because of a good relationship.
The primary purpose of marriage is sex which everyone knows but no one accepts. Society cares about reproduction but not about sexual life. What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom with a wrong notion that men are active (hence predators) and women are passive (and hence victims). After all, what can you expect from the society that is operating since time immemorial with a single purpose of protecting wombs and to hold the moustaches accountable for their safety?
Picture Credit: Mockstars